


can i see your eyes

by hakenangst



Category: VIXX
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-11
Updated: 2016-07-11
Packaged: 2018-07-23 00:28:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7459494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hakenangst/pseuds/hakenangst
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the brightest stars are always the most beautiful, but also the first to burn down and fade away</p>
            </blockquote>





	can i see your eyes

**Author's Note:**

> 2nd to last of my cross-post spam. Phew.

Hongbin sat on the steps outside of the apartment building, cheeks stiff with drying tears. He knew he shouldn’t have come, he knew he was going to get turned away, but he had persevered despite his own knowing for the sake of a tiny glimmer of hope that glowed like a burned ember just before the fire died. It was the middle of the night in the middle of the week, and the amount of people that passed him to enter the apartment building’s doors had dwindled and then stopped. He was grateful for that, it spared him a pang of shame as he took a swig from the bottle he held by the neck. It was hidden in a paper bag, but that wouldn’t fool anyone as to its contents.

It was harsh; it burned his throat unpleasantly, and then after it had passed it burned his chest. He gagged despite himself and shook his head as if that would remove the taste from his tongue as his mouth watered in a way similar to how one’s would if they were about to vomit. He looked to the sky and saw no stars - the lights of the city choked out even the brightest unless the night was perfectly clear - but he could see the moon, a small sliver of a thing. It cut through the darkness of the sky and created a halo of light against the clouds that drifted near it.

He was startled out of his thoughts - or more appropriately, lack thereof - from the sound of the heavy building door opening and a pair of feet leaving the opening and then stopping right behind him. He knew who it was before he heard their voice.

“What are you still doing here?”

Hongbin felt all of his restlessness flush out of him at the words to be replaced with relief. He had been considering taking another gulp from the bottle that he had been holding in a white-knuckled grip, but at hearing the question he had relaxed so much that he almost dropped it and he forgot his temptation. He looked up, pushing his head far enough back to cause strain in his neck and then even farther still so he had to arch his back to keep the position. “Taekwoon,” he said with a smile, barely above a whisper so a passerby would have thought he mouthed the syllables.

Taekwoon didn’t say anything, he had a cigarette between his lips and was fumbling with the lighter. Even while guarding it with his free hand the wind still caused him trouble and it took three tries before Hongbin heard the click and Taekwoon finally got it to light. “I’d offer you one,” he began as he put the lighter back in his pocket, “but I left the pack inside.” Hongbin nodded, or he would have if he wasn’t holding his neck so awkwardly. “You don’t look like you need it anyway.”

He wondered how Taekwoon had noticed the bottle that was now resting between his legs on the steps. He hadn’t even seen him spare a glance. When Taekwoon exhaled, the smoke left from both his nose and mouth, and Hongbin found himself longing to touch him. Could he do that? Taekwoon was only a few feet away, after all. He may have to reach a little but he could at least touch his feet which he then noticed had no shoes on them, only socks. Wasn’t he cold? He was about to lift his arm to reach when Taekwoon finally spoke again, cigarette almost burnt out.

“You look pathetic,” he muttered. He was trying to get Hongbin to pick himself off of the steps and stumble home and maybe he would have before, but not then.

Instead, Hongbin sighed and tore his gaze from the other, giving his neck and back a break from craning backwards. He took a swig from the bottle and in his chest where the liquor had burned earlier he now felt an emptiness created by his craving to touch and be touched. It felt cavernous, as if it would swallow him whole.

He tried to remember what it was like to touch Taekwoon, or to feel his fingertips on his skin. Their love had been explosive, from their first kiss to the sounds they’d make when they were alone.

But so were their arguments, always ending with slammed doors and angry tears.

And as hard as he tried, Hongbin couldn’t remember. He couldn’t remember what Taekwoon felt like or the reason they fought last time. The last time.

“I’m sorry,” he whimpered, even though he didn’t know why. Taekwoon didn’t say anything, just dropped his cigarette butt to the ground and stomped it out. He wasn’t usually this silent - not to Hongbin at least. He was holding something back. Hongbin turned on the steps to face Taekwoon, and he accidentally kicked the bottle with his foot and he almost dropped it trying to catch it. When he turned he saw Taekwoon was in the process of unlocking the door to go back into the building. “Can you at least look at me?”

Taekwoon paused. It was several more seconds before he finally pocketed his key. “You don’t even know what you’re sorry for.” He was right, and Hongbin felt deflated. Less than two hours before he had been outside Taekwoon’s room apologizing profusely and begging for forgiveness only to start blubbering when questioned on why. He had been louder then, drunker, too, not caring about the neighbours or their stares. At least not until Taekwoon closed the door and he had slunk down the stairs, defeated and with his tail between his legs.

“I’ll pay for your cab. Please go home and get some rest.” His voice wasn’t hard towards him anymore, but showed a concern that made Hongbin’s hope glimmer a little bit more.

He stood up on wobbly knees, bottle in one hand and the metal railing for the stairs in the other. “I don’t want a cab,” he mumbled, but then he lost balance and clung to the railing with both hands. He dropped the bottle in the process and it fell to the pavement. He tried not to wince when he heard it crack and saw the liquid darken the bag and the sidewalk; he had had at least one-fourth of the bottle left. What a waste.

But he had seen it: before he caught himself on the railing Taekwoon had jumped forward to try and grab him and worry had flickered in his eyes. Even if it was for a split second, it was a small victory and Hongbin held onto it.

“I’m calling a cab,” was all he said. There was no more after that, not even a “good-bye” when the cab finally did come and he had to make sure Hongbin didn’t eat the pavement while shuffling to it. He gave the driver Hongbin’s address before Hongbin himself could even think to do so, and that was that. He watched the street lights the entire ride. He would have preferred stars, but he couldn’t even see the moon from inside the car.

Taekwoon texted him the next morning to make sure he got home safely, but nothing more after that. It took another three weeks of silence for the last embers of Hongbin’s hope to finally die out.


End file.
